episode 7 on growing up

“I promise I will call u whenever I need money or laundry to do.”

I asked them: What would your family look like if it were an apple tree? And they could take a paper apple for everyone who, in their view, was a member of the family, write a name on it and hang it wherever they wanted. And I would ask questions. Most children started with a parent or a sibling. One started with "Boxer," the dead dog of his grandparents.

.“we bury ourselves. I want to say that life is just so and we all will die. Come on let’s watch tv

As a child, I didn't think there were something wrong with my life, until I got into school and saw a bigger world outside. I realised there were too many things to learn and too much unknown to explore. I desired a better life and a more integral mind. So I read a lot, thought a lot, learnt hard to get a high score, did exercise to make me strong, and told myself to insist at everyday. Then I got into one of the best universities in China. That university located in Shanghai, the most modern city of the country. I still remember the first day I came to shanghai. Every thing is different , every thing is fantastic. I was extremely excited, at the same time, totally freaked out.

Universally known that puberty is thorny. Parents may have different views on it——like in this episode, father saying we have to stop him from having sex with a robot while mother saying no it is normal thing of puberty. Later, mom says that child always grows a monster.

Well. I don't know; that's quite different from how we respond to children's questions. Like, "Milk -- is that made in a factory?" We will say, "No, it comes from cows," and we will talk about the farmer, and the way the milk ends up in the shop. We will not say, "No, milk is not made in a factory." So something strange happened here, and of course these children noticed that.

.“this world still has hope despite so much despair.”

Hi, I'm Leon from China.The name of my hometown is Qingdao, a beautiful seaside city in east China. I'm a father of a three years old boy.This is my first time to Vietnam as well as my first time to stay with so many little children in another country. I want to thank Hempel for giving me the opptunity of coming here and I am very excited about the next few days hanging up with you guys. I hope you would like us and have a lot of fun.

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We interviewed couples who received fertility treatment at Ghent University Hospital, using sperm from a donor. In this treatment timeline, you can see two points at which we conducted interviews. We included heterosexual couples, where the man for some reason did not have good-quality sperm, and lesbian couples who obviously needed to find sperm elsewhere. We also included children. I wanted to know how those children define concepts like parenthood and family. In fact, that is what I asked them, only not in that way. I drew an apple tree instead. This way, I could ask abstract, philosophical questions in a way that did not make them run off.

Not every child was born with blessing. Better to say, we want to make babies less fear of the realistic world so we make up many romantic stories to tell them. And when they find out the truth of the world they will fell despair and anger

I learnt fast and eagerly by myself, like a protege without a mentor, on the other hand, surrounded by millions of mentors. Sometime i was clumsy and improper, sometime I got confused and frustrated. Luckily, I found something valuable whose name is dream. I couldn't say I had no dream before, but just some unspecific imagination, even you can't call that a dream. At that time, I knew what is my dream: To explore and understand, to experience and creative, as more as I can; At the same time, make money for my self, for my family, for people I want to help, as more as I can.

That’s so ironic and also what happens in real life. We just cover it with so-called moving and awesome affection. Whenever there is a reveal there oomes thoughts of realistic unperfect.

What is a parent?

Life is a way towards directly to death. We always want to see what if I have done or not done something what will I look like now? will I be happier will I live better?But maybe unsatisfied is not a state but a property of human being——u see even if Jerry has been a movie star and lived a life that everybody envies. He still has his pain and eager that can’t be fulfill in his own parallel life.

I am 35 years old, maybe the same age as your fathers', or a little older. When I was in your age, I lived in a samll village of northern China. We didn't have much money so that my parents can't afford to give me too much. Basicly they fed me against starve, and dressed me against cold, that's all. They taught me something, and punished me for my disobedience, then, they sent me to school.

The dialogue of rick and morty is always worth thinking twice. It reveals the bloody facts that we are used to avoiding talking.

And that's the strange thing about advice. When we offer people pills, we gather evidence first. We do tests, we do follow-up studies. We want to know, and rightly so, what this pill is doing and how it affects people's lives. And advice? It is not enough for advice, or for professionals to give advice that is theoretically sound, or well-meant. It should be advice that there is evidence for -- evidence that it actually improves patients' lives.

If this is a truth maybe we should start a class to teach people how to feel happy and satisfied. More happiness less pain.

Ok, let's talk about this little instrument in my right hand, we call it "Harmonica". You know, harmonica can't help you make money, or get onto high-rank in the society either. It is only able to make music, and make you happy, as well as, make other people happy. Life is a long long adventure and trip. When you grow up, get a job, get married, and have your own children, you're gonna find life is tough, harsh,and full of challenges. You maybe realize you would never be happy like when you were a kid, like now. So, this thing, little music angel, can make you happy. Sometimes, you just can't find someone else to talk, you can talk to her. Please, concentrate on this lesson, if you don't like this, it's ok, then you can find another thing that you keep as a hobby. Remember, find something you love by your heart, and protect it, maintain it. I promise here, you will know on some day in the future, it does make sense, and be well worth.    

They feel nothing but at a loss what to do and then time goes children just become bigger and bigger even with so much regret.Reality does so.Like an old saying, ”life is like a boat. u can’t repair your boat on a shipyard but repair it on the sea while navigating. ”

Yet, these parents also wanted to justify their decisions through the tales they tell. They hoped that their children would understand their reasons for making the family in this way. Underlying was a fear that their children might disapprove and would reject the non-genetic parent. And that fear is understandable, because we live in a very heteronormative and geneticized society -- a world that still believes that true families consist of one mom, one dad and their genetically related children.

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Anyway, I always imagine that a group of young children in a large wheat field to play games. Thousands and tens of thousands of children, no one around -- nobody big, I mean -- except me. For me, standing on the cliff edge. My job is to watch there, and if there are children to the edge of the cliff. I have to from somewhere and catch them. I do this all day. I just want to be a catcher in the rye. I know this is what I really can indulge in the wildest fantasy, like doing. I know this place.

“my life is a lie!” little morty says so and then runs away.

What this man shows us is that when something goes wrong, we should not immediately think it is because the family is a little different. These things happen in all families. And every now and then, all parents may wonder: Am I a good enough parent? These parents, too. They, above all, wanted to do what's best for their child. But they also sometimes wondered: Am I a real parent? And their uncertainties were present long before they even were parents.

Beth said that I thought what we have done is for our child but we just never gave her anything. So we’d better cherish each other to prove that the choice without abortion is right.

I always remember a passage from a book that I read in high school.

This animation always contains deep meaning and realistic ironies.

Hmm. So only when they started mentioning the donor, I asked questions about him, using their own words. I said, "If this would be an apple for the friendly man with the seeds, what would you do with it?" And one boy was thinking out loud, holding the apple. And he said, "I won't put this one up there with the others. He's not part of my family. But I will not put him on the ground. That's too cold and too hard. I think he should be in the trunk, because he made my family possible. If he would not have done this, that would really be sad because my family would not be here, and I would not be here."

That’s one of greatness of human being, I think——people never totally lose hope.

图片 1

“I’m sorry that I lied to you and yelled to you just like my parents did.”

So the philosopher in me would now like to offer you a paradox: I advise you to stop following advice. But, yes.

That's all. Thank you !

We see that things can also go wrong even we do all have good original intention. And parents are just children who have children. Yesterday they are having sex and then today they have a child. We all admit that having sex is not equal to mature, do we? Then why would we think that parents must have grown mature. That’s paradox.

So it is DIY: finding ways, words and images to tell your family story to your child. And these stories were highly diverse, but they all had one thing in common: it was a tale of longing for a child and a quest for that child. It was about how special and how deeply loved their child was. And research so far shows that these children are doing fine. They do not have more problems than other kids.

Yes, I'd like to be a catcher in the rye. And now here we are. We would like to be the catchers in the rye, more than this, we would like to be the lifters in the tower. We were not only going to keep you safe, but also help you to stand higher. If you stand higher, you see further. If you see further, you maybe see your dream. That's exactly what I want to say. And that's exactly why we are here.

In that case, bear in mind three things. Work with advice that works for your family. Remember -- you're the expert, because you live your family life. And finally, believe in your abilities and your creativity, because you can do it yourself.

At the start of treatment, when they first saw the counselor, they paid close attention to the counselor, because they wanted to do it right. Even 10 years later, they still remember the advice they were given.

So when they thought about the counselor and the advice they were given, we discussed that. And we saw one lesbian couple who said, "When our son asks us, 'Do I have a dad?' we will say 'No, you do not have a dad.' But we will say nothing more, not unless he asks, because he might not be ready for that. The counselor said so."

So also, parents constructed family tales -- tales to tell their children. One couple explained their insemination by taking their children to a farm to watch a vet inseminate cows. And why not? It's their way of explaining; their do-it-yourself with family narratives. DIY. And we had another couple who made books -- a book for each child. They were really works of art containing their thoughts and feelings throughout the treatment. They even had the hospital parking tickets in there.

So as you can see, the apple tree is empty. And that illustrates my research approach. By designing techniques like this, I can bring as little meaning and content as possible to the interview, because I want to hear that from them.

As a philosopher and social scientist, I have been studying these questions about the concept of parenthood. But today, I will talk to you about what I learned from talking to parents and children. I will show you that they know what matters most in a family, even though their family looks a little different. I will show you their creative ways of dealing with tough questions. But I will also show you the parents' uncertainties.


Thank you.

It's not an easy question. Today we have adoption, stepfamilies, surrogate mothers. Many parents face tough questions and tough decisions. Shall we tell our child about the sperm donation? If so, when? What words to use? Sperm donors are often referred to as "biological fathers," but should we really be using the word "father?"

One boy said, "I asked my parents loads of questions, but they acted really weird. So, you know, I have a friend at school, and she's made in the same way. When I have a question, I just go and ask her." Clever guy. Problem solved. But his parents did not notice, and it certainly was not what they had in mind, nor what the counselor had in mind when they were saying how important it is to be an open-communication family.

Well. I want to tell you about a teenage boy. He was donor-conceived but not part of our study. One day, he had an argument with his father, and he yelled, "You're telling me what to do? You're not even my father!" That was exactly what the parents in our study feared. Now, the boy soon felt sorry, and they made up. But it is the reaction of his father that is most interesting.

He said, "This outburst had nothing to do with the lack of a genetic link. It was about puberty -- being difficult. It's what they do at that age. It will pass."

I will not end here with what went wrong; I would not be doing justice to the warmth we found in those families. Remember the books and the trip to the farmer? When parents do things that work for them, they do brilliant things. What I want you to remember as members of families, in no matter what form or shape, is that what families need are warm relationships. And we do not need to be professionals to create those. Most of us do just fine, although it may be hard work, and from time to time, we can do with some advice.

At this point, none of the children started mentioning the donor. So, I asked them about their birth story. I said, "Before you were born, it was just your mom and dad, or mom and mommy. Can you tell me how you came into the family?" And they explained. One said, "My parents did not have good seeds, but there are friendly men out there who have spare seeds. They bring them to the hospital, and they put them in a big jar. My mommy went there, and she took two from the jar, one for me and one for my sister. She put the seeds in her belly -- somehow -- and her belly grew really big, and there I was."

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